Let's hear it for Saint Patrick's Day !
ME THE WAY TO GO HOME
Paddy and Connor are walking home after a night drinking. They've got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside the bus depot.
Paddy has a brainwave and says to Connor, "Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I'll stay out here and look out for the police".
Connor duly breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while Paddy is wondering what the heck he's doing. Eventually Paddy sticks his head around the door and sees Connor running from bus to bus to bus looking very worried.
"What the heck are you doing Connor ?" he shouts. Connor replies "I can't find a number 27 anywhere, Paddy !"
Paddy screams back, "You idiot, steal that number 42 over there and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way"
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he can buy him a drink.
"Why, of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of course," says the second.
Curious, the first asks: "Where in Ireland?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it, me too! Lets have another round of drinks to Dublin."
The second man can't help himself so he asks, "What school did you attend?"
"Saint Mary's", replies the first man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable, me too !!!" the second replies.
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's up?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replied the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again!"
Joseph, an Irishman planning a trip to Spain for Saint Patricks Day, decides to enroll at a language college to learn Spanish. But he doesnt get round to it until the night before he departs.
The professor in charge tells him there is no way he can learn Spanish in one evening, but if he just speaks v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y the Spanish will understand him just fine.
So next morning, Joseph happily departs on his once-in-a-lifetime Spanish St Patricks Day experience.
On the morning of Saint Patricks Day itself, with the Mediterranean sun shining brightly in a clear blue sky, he wanders into the nearest bodega and, remembering the professors words, says ever so carefully, "O-n-e b-e-e-r, p-l-e-a-s-e."
The barman looks up, smiles cheerfully to signify he understands, replies just as slowly, "C-e-r-t-a-i-n-l-y", and gives him the beer. Making friendly conversation, he continues, "a-n-d w-h-e-r-e d-o y-o-u c-o-m-e f-r-o-m ?"
I-m f-r-o-m I-r-e-l-a-n-d", Joseph replies.
"A-m-a-z-i-n-g ! S-o a-m I. W-h-e-r-e-a-b-o-u-t-s i-n I-r-e-l-a-n-d ?" asks the barman
"I h-a-v-e l-i-v-e-d a-l-l m-y l-i-f-e u-n-t-i-l y-e-s-t-e-r-d-a-y i-n a l-i-t-t-l-e t-o-w-n c-a-l-l-e-d S-k-i-b-b-a-r-e-e-n. "
"I-n-c-r-e-d-i-b-l-e. I-m f-r-o-m S-k-i-b-b-a-r-e-e-n t-o-o !" answers the barman.
"W-e-l-l, i-f w-e-r-e b-o-t-h f-r-o-m S-k-i-b-b-a-r-r-e-e-n", says Joseph, "w-h-y i-n t-h-e h-e-l-l a-r-e w-e t-a-l-k-i-n-g t-o e-a-c-h o-t-h-e-r i-n S-p-a-n-i-s-h ?"
Kindly contributed by Eileen K and A N Other
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