Why It's Good to be a Man

bulletYour last name stays put.
bulletThe garage is all yours.
bulletYou don't have to shave below your neck.
bulletWedding plans take care of themselves.
bulletChocolate is just another snack.
bulletYou can be president (of where you're born).
bulletYou can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
bulletCar mechanics tell you the truth.
bulletYou don't give a rat's ass if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.
bulletYou never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky looking.
bulletSame work ... more pay.
bulletWrinkles add character.
bulletYou don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
bulletWedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
bulletPeople never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
bulletThe occasional well-rendered belch (from either end) is practically expected.
bulletNew shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
bulletPhone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
bulletYou know stuff about tanks.
bulletA five-day vacation requires only one small wheely-bag.
bulletYou can open all your own jars.
bulletYou can leave the motel bed unmade.
bulletYou can kill your own food.
bulletYou get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
bulletYour underwear is $6.95 for a three-pack.
bulletIf you are 34 and single, nobody notices or cares.
bulletEverything on your face stays its original color.
bulletYou can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
bulletThree pairs of shoes are more than enough.
bulletYou don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
bulletYou can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without anyone thinking, "He must be mad at me."
bulletYou don't mooch off other's desserts.
bulletYou are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
bulletYou don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
bulletYou are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
bulletYour powerful belly usually hides your big hips.
bulletOne wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
bulletYou can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife or your teeth.
bulletYou have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
bulletChristmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

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On the other hand ... (there are four fingers and a thumb) ...

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes ? Both of them.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking ? They all already have boyfriends.
How does a man show
that he is planning for the future ?
He buys two cases of beer.
What is the difference between men and government bonds ? The bonds mature.
Why are blonde jokes so short ? So men can remember them.
How many men does it take
to change a roll of toilet paper ?
No-one knows; it has never happened.
When does a sensible woman
care for a man's company ?
When he owns it.
What are a woman's four favourite animals ?
bulletA mink in the closet,
bulleta Jaguar in the garage,
bulleta tiger in the bedroom, and
bulletan ass to pay for it all.
Why are married women
heavier than single women ?
bulletSingle women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
bulletMarried women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups ? Put the remote control between his toes
What is the one thing that
all men in singles bars have in common ?
They're married.
What did God say after creating man ? "I must be able to do better than that."
What did God say after creating Eve ? "Practice makes perfect."

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful ?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb ?"
God says: "So she would love you."

Want a perfect man ?  Click here button1.jpg (1189 bytes)

Final quote to ponder -
"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy."

Erica Jong, poet, novelist, essayist and feminist,
advocate of women's rights, authors' rights and free expression. 
But obviously never met Joan Collins.

Thanks Eileen K

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