DOWN (UNDER) TO THE WIRE

The levelling out of the Super 12 table continued last weekend, as Waratahs, who are coming out of a mid-season slump, beat the leaders, Brumbies, who nevertheless hold onto their lead by a single point. The 4 South African teams lost, whilst all the Kiwi teams except the Hurricanes made ground. So with 2 rounds to go, there are still 9 realistic contenders for the semi-final berths, although the odds favour the top six, which interestingly consists of two from each of the 3 competing nations. The lack of a clear leader is further highlighted by the fact that all teams have lost at least 3 of their 9 matches so far. The oddest match of all was Queensland Reds 6-5 defeat of the Sharks. I can’t remember a rugby union score that low since I was a kid, and it was indeed an all-time low in the Super 12 history. The Reds record this year includes significantly fewer tries and points scored than all other teams, but by no means the worst points difference, so it seems they are successful in dragging opponents down to their level also! A far cry from the normal Super 12 offerings, which are still top drawer.

As they look towards the difficult final run-in, the Stormers will not be thanking their captain Corne Krige, whose pre-meditated head-butting of a Chiefs forward brought him an 8-week ban, thus prematurely ending his Super 12 career. However, in a bizarre piece of logic, it was announced that in view of his ‘exemplary record in international rugby’ he would be allowed to appear for the Barbarians during this period. So he’s a very naughty boy when playing provincial rugby, and has received numerous bans for it, but when he dons a Springbok shirt he becomes an angel?? Anyone who has seen his exploits will know that it can only have been an amazing string of myopic refereeing performances that prevented this notorious ‘hard man’ from getting banned many times in his international career also!

I can’t pass on any eyewitness accounts of the Heineken Cup semi-final from Dublin, as there has been no communication of late. They are probably drowning their sorrows in Liffey water, after Wasps staged a late rally to stun Munster. As one BBC Sport website correspondent said;

“Not many teams come back from a 10 point deficit against Munster.”

Unfortunately we didn’t get to see it, but by all accounts it was a cracking match, unlike the other semi in which Toulouse edged out Biarritz in a dour affair that only produced one try apiece.

Jenson Button made a good start from pole position, and prevented Schumacher from grabbing the lead. Nevertheless, the Ferrari settled into a comfortable second position, and a slick first pit stop brought him out in front of Button. And that, folks, was the end of the story in San Marino. There was the usual jostling at the first few corners of lap 1, and a questionable passing manoeuvre by Alonso on Ralf late in the race. Otherwise no other overtaking in the entire 62 laps. A whole host of other motorsport disciplines have plenty of to-ing and fro-ing on a regular basis – NASCAR, CART, German Touring Car, Australian V8 Supercars, MotoGP, Superbikes, you name it. Its proponents may say that Formula 1 is the ‘pinnacle’ of the sport in terms of technical development, but if that’s the criterion by which it is to be judged, then you might as well relegate it to the laboratory and the test track.

Harking back to last week’s comment about Rossi’s bold MotoGP team swap, and the unlikelihood of a similar thing happening in F1, I read today the depressing news that Ferrari technical director Ross Brawn is already mulling over poaching Jenson Button from BAR when MS retires. Talk about grabbing it all – Button and BAR look to be the only combination capable of giving Schumacher even the slightest cause to look in his mirrors this year.

The Zimbabwean performance in their first one-day match against Sri Lanka surprised everyone. OK, they lost in a rain-affected Duckworth-Lewis match, and would just as certainly have lost if it had gone the distance too, but to post a score of over 200 was totally unexpected from this rookie side. Needless to say, the law of probability kicked in with a vengeance in the next two games, in which the total number of overs bowled was only 85 out of a maximum possible 200. Sri Lanka have only lost 2 wickets in easing to their wins, and in the latest encounter the hosts were skittled out for 35, a new world-record low total in one-day internationals.

The tenor of the discussion on England’s planned tour of Zimbabwe in November gets ever-more serious with the English counties pointing out the disastrous financial consequences of ICC sanctions for unjustified cancellation, whilst the opponents (buoyed by the re-emergence of that old warhorse Desmond Tutu) pressure the British government to call the shots and give the England management the excuse they need to cry off without penalty.

Argentinean Ricardo Gonzales, whose wayward driving did not stop him winning the previous week’s European Tour event in Sevilla, was also in the hunt at last weekend’s tournament in the Canaries. However his big-bang style did eventually cost him the title. Standing on the 16^th tee with a narrow lead he chose to blast it over the corner of a large dogleg, but mishit it out-of-bounds. Rather than taking the safe option second time around, he tried the same again, and succeeded in landing on the green of the par-4. However, his ball ran off the back, and he eventually carded a double bogey, which heralded a maiden tour win for Frenchman Christian Cevaer. Not that Cevaer had it handed to him on a plate. His own effort at the 16^th was in complete contrast to that of Gonzales as he holed his second shot for his second eagle of the round.

Meanwhile in the States the Shell Houston Open was wading through the flotsam of numerous rain delays to such an extent that it was difficult to remember who had played how much of which round on which day. Finally VJ Singh emerged as a sun-bathed winner on Monday, joining Phil Mickleson with over $3 million in prize money so far this year.

The men vs. women debate has rippled the surface again this week, as R&A secretary Peter Dawson said ahead of qualifying for the 2004 Open Championship;

"If a woman qualifies we'd have a difficulty because our entry form says male golfers.”

On the other hand Hootie Johnson (conveniently waiting until after this year’s Masters has finished!) said he would have no problem with Michelle Wie competing if she qualified. Of the same candidate, Dawson remarked;

"But Michelle Wie, a wonderful player, has done nothing yet which would have got her into the Open if she were a man. We've talked about it and I do think it's a long way off, but our attitude is 'never say never'. There are no women in the world rankings at the moment, but we are watching the situation. We've not had a situation in golf where equal competition between the sexes has been seriously considered in the past. In 35 Olympic sports, equestrianism is the only one, I believe, where men and women compete together."

In an unequalled achievement, Arsenal have comprehensively won the Premiership title this season, having got the necessary points without losing once. No doubt a significant contributing factor has been a marked improvement in discipline, resulting in greater availability of players. To have done all this without robbing Fort Knox to buy a squad is also worthy of praise. The only thing that niggles a bit is the fact that most of this talented bunch will be playing AGAINST England in Euro2004!

A penultimate bulletin on the hapless Olivier de Kersauson aboard his trimaran Geronimo, who, if he’d set off on his circumnavigation a few months earlier, would now be making a nail-biting dash to the finish line, with just 2 days to go, and a lead of less than one day over the previous record. As it is, he now knows that he will fail to beat Fossett’s new record by 5 days. Still it does make a change to see a non-Frenchman holding a long-distance sailing record for once in a blue moon.

ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

Well-intentioned, but ....   I attended a refresher course this week on hydrogen sulphide awareness (for the non-oilies, this is a nasty, poisonous gas that we find unfortunately often in our industry). We were told of a classic case in which workers on an offshore drilling rig in Abu Dhabi suffered accidental exposure to hydrogen sulphide (as if anyone would deliberately expose themselves!), and 14 of them were rendered unconscious. The rig crew remembered their training and rescued the victims, who were brought to an open, well-ventilated area, whilst medical assistance and evacuation was organised. So, shortly thereafter the chopper arrived to take them to hospital ashore for check-ups, but could not actually land because the open area in which the victims had been laid out was, of course ... the helideck!

However good a footballer or manager he may have been, the man who then moves into punditry definitely has a more than even chance of misdirecting his previously gifted foot into his mouth. Thus Ron Atkinson suffered this fate last week, with the accidental broadcast of an uncomplimentary racial remark he made about a player, whilst he thought that he was off the air. During our absence in Doha for a golfing weekend, Roger from Florida was visiting Abu Dhabi and repaid us handsomely for the temporary use of our apartment by reporting that a coloured player, who was interviewed in the wake of this incident, defended Atkinson by noting that the decision on whether or not a person was racist was ‘... not a black and white issue.’

Our late night return from Doha gave us the rare opportunity of picking up a bit of the US golf broadcast whilst we prepared to retire to bed. This week’s tournament was the Shell Houston Open, and as noted in the caption on the TV leaderboard it was contested at a golf course in the town of Humble, Texas. Clearly Lynda’s mental acuity had not been totally deadened by the journey, as she observed;

“Surely those two words don’t belong together?”

In an announcement worthy of Monty Python, the US-led Coalition Provisional Authority in Iraq has posted in the latest weekly report on its website;

"For security reasons, there are no security reports."

What a way to go! The Irish are renowned for having wakes to celebrate a person’s life rather than funerals to mourn their death. So, when a champion clay pigeon shooter died, his friends carried out his request to scatter his ashes in an unusual fashion. Hollowing out 60 cartridges, they replaced some of the charge with a portion of his remains, and re-crimped them. These special cartridges have been distributed amongst his former colleagues, who now shoot off a memorial salute at various venues that they visit in the pursuit of their friend’s hobby.

Tesco is reported to be introducing ‘workout’ trolleys in their supermarkets, which the user can set to varying degrees of resistance, to provide much-needed exercise. What a stupid waste of money, when everyone knows that this effect can already be achieved by judicious selection of one of the many conventional trolleys that have seen better days! Misaligned wheels, chafing tyres, broken bearings … they’ve already got all the ingredients.

Pres Tony is not alone in his discomfort over Euro issues. A German judge, alert to the potential for jibes about stereotype behaviour, has thrown out a complaint brought by a Berlin resident against his neighbour for laughing too loudly during an extended dinner party.

ON THE BOX  
(All live on Supersport; Abu Dhabi timings; GMT +4)

Rugby             
Super 12 penultimate round-robin matches

Friday              11:15            Chiefs – Bulls
                        21:00            Sharks – Blues
Saturday            08:45            Waratahs – Highlanders

                        11:15            Crusaders – Stormers
                        13:35            Brumbies – Hurricanes

                        16:45            Cats – Reds

Golf            Telecom Italian Open from Milan

Thu/Fri 17:00 – 20:00
Sat/Sun            16:00 – 19:00                     

Golf     HP Classic of New Orleans

Thursday            24:00
Friday              23:15
Sat/Sun            23:00 

Football            English Premiership

Saturday            15:00            Arsenal – Birmingham
                        17:30            Chelsea – Southampton
                        17:30            tba

Sunday              16:30            Bolton – Leeds
                        19:00            Liverpool – Middlesbrough

Tuesday (4^th)     22:30            Portsmouth – Arsenal

Football            International Friendly

Wednesday            24:00            Portugal – Sweden

Motorcycling              MotoGP from Jerez de la Frontera

Sunday 13:00            125cc
                        14:15            250cc
                        15:30            MotoGP 

Cricket            Windies – England One-day series

Wednesday         17:15 – 01:30   Match 4

Saturday             17:15 – 01:30   Match 5

Sunday               17:30 – 01:30   Match 6

Cricket            Zimbabwe – Sri Lanka One-day series

Thursday            11:15 – 19:30   Match 5

Tennis Masters Series from Rome

Mon/Tue            14:45 – 01:00